By Jezuva Keeja
For generations, boys have been taught what it means to be a man before they are even old enough to understand what manhood truly means.
“Be strong, Men do not cry, Stop behaving like a girl, A man must provide, Never show weakness” were some of the messages passed from one generation to another with the intention of building strong, responsible men.
But as Namibia confronts rising concerns around gender-based violence, suicide, emotional distress, family breakdown and the wellbeing of boys and men, perhaps it is time to ask whether some of the traditional definitions of masculinity are doing more harm than good.
What if teaching boys that they must always be tough is actually preventing them from learning how to communicate?
What if telling a young boy that “men do not cry” teaches him to suppress emotions rather than understand and manage them?
And what happens when that boy becomes a man who is expected to provide, protect, lead and succeed, but has never been taught that he too is allowed to ask for help?
These are uncomfortable questions, but they are questions Namibia must be prepared to confront.
Men also matter
Recent engagements involving the DEN Impact Foundation, the Ministry of Gender Equality and Child Welfare, the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA), the One Economy Foundation, non-governmental organisations, civil society organisations and other stakeholders have highlighted the importance of building a shared agenda around the wellbeing of boys and men.
At the heart of these discussions is a simple but important principle: Men Also Matter!
This does not mean taking anything away from the important work being done to empower girls and women.
Rather, it recognises that a healthy society requires both boys and girls, men and women, to be supported, respected and given the opportunity to reach their full potential.
For too long, conversations about gender have often focused primarily on the challenges faced by women and girls.
Those challenges remain real and require continued attention. But addressing the challenges faced by boys and men should not be viewed as a competing agenda.
It should be viewed as part of the solution.
If we want to reduce gender-based violence, we must also examine how boys are raised.
If we want healthier families, we must teach boys and men how to communicate, take responsibility and manage conflict.
If we want to reduce suicide and emotional distress among men, we must create environments where men can speak about their struggles without being ridiculed or labelled as weak.
And if we want responsible men in positions of leadership, we must begin developing those qualities from childhood.
The burden of being “a man”
Traditional masculinity has often placed enormous pressure on men to demonstrate physical strength, financial capability, emotional control and social dominance.
A boy who falls and cries may be told to “toughen up”.
A young man who is struggling financially may feel that he has failed because he cannot provide.
A husband who loses his job may feel that his identity and worth have been taken away because he can no longer fulfil the traditional role of breadwinner.
A man experiencing emotional distress may remain silent because he fears being judged.
The problem is not masculinity itself.
The problem is a narrow definition of masculinity that leaves little room for vulnerability, emotional expression, failure, recovery and seeking help.
A man can be strong and still cry.
A man can be a provider and still need support.
A man can be a leader and still admit that he does not have all the answers.
A man can experience failure without becoming a failure.
These are important lessons that boys need to learn early in life.
The boy child needs someone to talk to
One of the most important aspects of addressing the plight of the boy child is giving him permission to speak.
A child should be able to tell his mother or father that he is afraid.
He should be able to say that he is being bullied.
He should be able to admit that he feels lonely.
He should be able to talk about heartbreak, rejection, academic pressure, unemployment, family problems or uncertainty about his future.
Most importantly, he should know that expressing these emotions does not make him less of a boy.
When boys are repeatedly told to suppress their emotions, they may grow into men who have difficulty communicating what they feel.
Instead of expressing pain through words, some may express it through anger, aggression, withdrawal, substance abuse or other destructive behaviour.
This does not excuse harmful behaviour.
Men must remain accountable for their actions.
But accountability becomes more meaningful when it is accompanied by education, mentorship, emotional intelligence and support.
We must raise responsible men—not merely tough men
The objective should not be to create a generation of men who are simply “tough”.
We should be raising men who are responsible, emotionally intelligent, respectful, accountable, compassionate and capable of making sound decisions.
A successful man should not only be measured by how much money he earns.
His value should also be reflected in how he treats his family, how he treats women, how he raises his children, how he handles disagreement, how he contributes to his community and how he conducts himself in society.
Boys must learn that respect is not weakness.
Accountability is not weakness.
Asking for help is not weakness.
Showing compassion is not weakness.
And caring for others does not diminish masculinity.
These are qualities of responsible human beings.
“Men also matter” must not become an excuse for violence
There is an important distinction that must be made.
Advocating for men’s wellbeing does not mean defending irresponsible or abusive behaviour.
It does not mean excusing gender-based violence, neglect, misogyny or the failure of men to take responsibility.
On the contrary, supporting boys and men should strengthen accountability.
A boy who is taught from a young age to respect women is more likely to understand that disagreement, rejection or the ending of a relationship does not justify violence.
A young man who is taught emotional regulation can learn that anger does not have to become aggression.
A man who understands his own worth is less likely to believe that his identity depends entirely on controlling another person or proving his dominance.
This is why supporting boys is also an investment in the safety and wellbeing of girls and women.
The pressure to provide
The expectation that a man must always be the breadwinner is another area that deserves honest discussion.
Providing for one’s family is a noble responsibility.
Men should absolutely be encouraged to work, build careers, create businesses and contribute to their families and communities.
But economic hardship should not strip a man of his dignity.
There will be periods when a man loses his job.
There will be times when a business fails.
There will be seasons when a woman earns more than her husband.
There will be circumstances where a man needs financial or emotional assistance from his partner.
None of these circumstances should make him worthless.
We must move away from the dangerous idea that a man’s entire value is determined by his ability to provide financially. A healthy family should be built on partnership, communication, mutual support and shared responsibility—not fear, humiliation or competition.
Men and women should be able to support each other through difficult seasons without either partner losing their dignity.
Starting with the boy child
If Namibia genuinely wants to address some of the social challenges confronting men today, intervention cannot begin when a man is already in crisis.
It must begin during childhood.
Schools, families, churches, sports organisations, community organisations, traditional structures, civil society and government all have a role to play. Boys need positive male role models.
They need mentorship.
They need safe spaces where they can talk.
They need leadership programmes.
They need career guidance.
They need education about relationships, respect, consent, responsibility and conflict resolution.
They need to understand that masculinity is not about dominating others.
It is about becoming a responsible human being who understands his own value and recognises the value of others. A new definition of masculinity
Perhaps Namibia needs to redefine what it means to “be a man”.
Being a man should not mean carrying every burden alone.
It should not mean refusing to cry.
It should not mean never admitting that you are struggling.
It should not mean proving your worth through money, physical strength or control over others.
Instead, masculinity should be associated with character, responsibility, courage, emotional maturity, respect, accountability, service, leadership, with the ability to acknowledge mistakes and learn from them, the ability to protect without controlling, and the ability to provide without believing that provision gives one ownership over another human being.
A shared responsibility
The work being undertaken by organisations and stakeholders engaging around the wellbeing of boys and men is therefore important.
But government and organisations cannot do this work alone.
Parents have a role.
Teachers have a role.
Men have a role.
Women have a role.
Communities have a role.
The media has a role.
And perhaps most importantly, every adult who interacts with a young boy has an opportunity to influence what kind of man he eventually becomes.
We must give boys permission to speak before they become men who no longer know how to communicate.
We must teach them responsibility without teaching them shame.
We must teach them strength without teaching them emotional suppression.
We must teach them leadership without teaching them domination.
We must teach them resilience without teaching them that asking for help is failure.
And we must teach them to respect women while also teaching them to respect themselves.
The conversation around the boy child is not about creating a privileged class of men.
It is about creating healthier human beings.
Men matter. Boys matter. Women matter. Girls matter.
A society that genuinely wants equality cannot afford to leave anyone behind.
If we want better men tomorrow, we must give boys better support today.
